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Tuesday 3 May 2011

Baby Steps

Cycle number: 11
Cycle day: 1
Meds: Met (and Pro.vera for the last week)
Outlook: Excited

Well, it doesn't look like I did ovulate last cycle, since AF arrived right on cue after stopping the Pro.vera. I'm not surprised. Unfortunately though this AF is giving me a world of pain >_< Not exactly the best way to be around a fertility festival.

I go for a baseline scan on Thursday and have to take along one of my pods of Meno.pur for my first dose. Very excited about this....I never had a very good feeling about Clo.mid, even before I started taking it, since it relies so much on a chain of reactions in your body working in perfect synch (not something my body is very good at unfortunately). The injects work directly into your system and so it seems much more likely that I will get a good response.

As I wrote in a previous post, I've had some problems with my mum not being supportive at all through my ttc trials, and specifically about serious insensitivity related to infertility. So I took a proactive approach recently and sent her a link to an advice sheet for friends and family of those suffering through infertility. It covers a lot of things I think are really important, and she said it was useful. If anyone you know is treating you insensitively, don't be afraid to speak up and offer advice - they may genuinely not understand how much they are affecting you.

She actually told me that she thought we would be stopping treatment now until after our honeymoon....that's December! She didn't know about my treatment in February so essentially she thought we were putting ttc on hold for a year. I told her how funny I found this - I've been waiting four years so far, I certainly don't need to be adding an extra one on for the fun of it - and also how in a serious sense, I'm less than 2 years away from being 30 and certainly don't need to tempt my egg quality to start decreasing on top of all my other issues. I can only conclude that she doesn't understand that longing for a child, and that she must've had me and my sister because it was the next natural step in her life rather than something she desperately wanted. 

Finally, I found out another friend of mine is pregnant and due in eight weeks! She's sure she told me a while ago but I gently told her I was sure I would remember if she had. I would like now to do a tally of how many people I know who are either pregnant right now or have given birth in the last few months........yep it's 10. There may be one or two I have missed. For some of these it's their second baby since I started ttc. And this list doesn't include people I know solely online on forums and stuff (it would be more like 20 if I included them). I do try very hard to keep focused on my own situation, and let other people's news wash over me, but it is very hard. Especially when you are in the no man's land of never having seen a BFP despite so much trying....it begins to feel like it's all a myth and not something that will ever happen to you.

Bleugh. Despite all this, yes, I am in good spirits - the weather has been glorious, I have been spending a lot of time walking in the woods and doing little indoor gardening projects at home and following the Royal wedding this weekend I just feel so uber excited about my own ^____^

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