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Friday, 27 May 2011

Sunshine on a Rainy Day

Cycle number: 11
Cycle day: 25
Meds: Met
Outlook: TGIF

I believe I have ovulated. The problem is I don't know when. I've been having uterus twinges - occasionally verging on cramps - for a week now, which is a sure sign. And although my nipples were sensitive anyway because of the Meno.pur, this whole week my boobs have been very sore, feeling heavier and tender, and I noticed some blue veins appearing.

Of course, this got me very excited, and I have been looking at them every night to see if I can see anything else. It could always just be a coincidence, or it could be that the Meno.pur effects are still going strong, but I have a tiny shred of hope.

I had promised myself I would not do a pregnancy test until next Tuesday, but I caved in today and did one - very negative. I still feel hopeful though as potentially I'm only 7 or 8 days past ovulation and there is still time. I'll have to wait now as I've completely run out of preggo tests - need to order some in a moment.

If I did ovulate, the next question is how many popped? There were 4, possibly 5 ripe follies. This has me both very excited and slightly concerned. On the one hand, that many options has got to mean that my chances of conception are higher. On the other, 4 children in one go would be quite a challenge. But like I keep telling people who say "Omg FOUR?!?!", I would rather have four in one go than none at all.

I realise I am probably grasping at straws thinking something will come of this cycle, but it's my way of coping with the fact that otherwise I'm out til July. A little self delusion can go a long way.

After expressing my dismay at this cycle being cancelled in a text to my MIL-2B, she replied "Don't worry about it, I'm sure you have enough to think about, what with the wedding...". I do wish people would stop saying that. Yes the wedding is a big day, and there has been a fair bit of organising, but the world doesn't stop because of it. It doesn't detract in any way from what I feel about wanting to get pregnant. If I'm still able to think about work and shopping and all those other mundane things, I'm sure as hell still able to think about ttc. Wedding organising is not a distraction from something that is the most important thing to me. Besides which, pretty much everything is done now, so if anything I have LESS distracting me than before.

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