"Super" Me

Cycle number: 11

Cycle day: 15

Meds: Met

Outlook: bluurghghgh

Well, the results are in: cycle cancelled due to "super-ovulation". I suppose it's sweet of them to try to make me feel successful at something -_- The clinic hadn't rung by lunch time so I called and left a reminder message. Then somehow my phone didn't even ring and the next time I looked at it I had a voicemail. Had to wait til I got out of a meeting at 3pm before I could listen to it. The only advice she had was to come back when I start to bleed....yeh thanks for that.

So I rang again and asked for someone to call me back as I had a few questions. The nicest nurse there called and I went through a few things with her:

- The oestradiol number was high, and from that they deduce that I will ovulate but they can't tell when. She said obviously there was a chance I wouldn't, and/or that one or more of the follicles would become a cyst.

- I shouldn't have sex for the foreseeable future due to the risk of a multiples pregnancy, but she admitted she couldn't stop us if that's what we decided to do.

- Even if I don't develop a cyst, chances are I will have to take next cycle off to let the ovary recover before doing any more treatment.

- My response has been unusual to both Clo.mid and Meno.pur and they couldn't have predicted what would happen, even with the intensive monitoring.

- The dose of Meno.pur I was put on was the standard dose that most people would start at, and for the next active cycle they will probably halve it.

- I should wait 2.5-3 weeks and if I haven't bled yet I should go back for a scan and then induce a bleed.

I'm still feeling really frustrated about this cycle and really upset, and after I put down the phone I just cried for about half an hour. If it's this hard to ovulate what chance do I have of actually getting pregnant? I'm starting to feel scared - what if none of the ovulation induction drugs work on me? What if I only ever over- or under-respond? Will I just have to move straight to IVF without passing go?

We are going to carry on trying this cycle. Me reasoning is this: a follicle that grows beyond about 24mm is considered too big to carry a 100% healthy, ripe egg. I have 2 that were at the top end of this range yesterday, so they will be even bigger by the time I finally ovulate (I did a digital ovulation test yesterday which was negative, so I assume I have a few more days before any eggs will appear) which means the chances of either containing a viable egg are small. Even if such an egg was fertilised it would be unlikely to continue beyond a week or so. So that leaves 2 follicles. If they both release and if they are both healthy there is a small chance both could be fertilised. I'm happy to take that risk.

I just can't sit back and do nothing for the best part of 2 months while life and time just tick away. If this cycle amounts to nothing (which I'm assuming it will) it will be July at the earliest before I get pregnant - and that's assuming that I'm incredibly lucky and get pregnant on my first proper successful cycle (which also seems unlikely). I'm completely fed up of waiting, it's all I seem to do. Wait wait wait wait wait. Everyone else gets a chance each and every month to get pregnant; I haven't even had one chance in the 4 years I've been trying. It's like I'm the only one not to complete a 100m race because I can't even find my way out of the changing room, let alone onto the track and down to the finish line. This is the most depressed and negative I have felt for a long, long time and I don't like it.