Outted

Cycle number: 10

Cycle day: 25

Meds: Met + supps

Outlook: Lonely

Now, I am not one to post a lot in open forums on the internet - it's part of the reason I have this (anonymous) blog. I lurk on message boards and am a people-watcher on Facebook, rarely posting status updates etc, but due to the PETA campaign besmirching NIAW I felt compelled to say something. So I posted a link to the petition against the PETA campaign which for me felt like quite a bold move, since hardly anyone on there knows that we are ttc, much less about my pcos and treatment etc (not that the post explicitely stated anything about our situation, but I would assume many people made the connection).

It generated rather a lot of comments - 42 to be precise! And I just thought for the benefit of the ttc and/or infertility community I would share some of these gems of "wisdom":

• "Tbh I could get right behind that. The world is overpopulated as it is"
•  "If you're infertile, it's nature telling you you're not meant to breed. Breeding is selfish as it is"
• "The great thing about being human is that we can *choose* not to do things that are detrimental to ourselves and our environment, unfortunately it seems that, due to these detrimental effects not being visible immediately (we are after all used to getting what we want at the touch of a button these days); the fact that they are unlikely to cause the adults that are alive now too much hardship and also the inherent 'drive to reproduce' that is present in all of us; the lack of education about the overpopulation of the planet and the problems that this is causing NOW; the unlikeliness that many people are prepared to make themselves and their entire family 'cease to exist' (not to mention the other factors that come into play regarding murder and suicide), it doesnt seem likely that many people in our western society are prepared to do anything to reduce the harm we are causing our species let alone try to suggest that you don't necesarily *have* to have children."
• "It's more the selfishness side of bringing kids into a world that's in this state that I have a problem with. Personally, if I could have chosen to not be born, and not to live in this world and be contributing towards it's downfall, ...then I would have checked the 'opt out' button. The fact that I also happen to be unable to have kids in my view is a positive. I understand people still feel the need to bring more lives into this world, but what with fuel prices rises, diseases, social collapse, political turmoil, price of living, etc.etc. I don't see why they'd want to inflict such an uncertain future on their offspring. I can choose not to breed, and nature can choose to tell you not to breed, but unfortunately we can't choose to have not been born."
• "Personally, I'd like to see those unable to conceive take nature's sign that they're not meant to, and for adoption of unwanted churned out kids to be made much easier."
• "If it's something easily solved with a quick procedure then fair play, but couples who put themselves through round after round of IVF treatment, endless miscarriages, or surgery on themselves in order to have a baby, sometimes I do just wonder why they don't take nature's hint and maybe accept it's not for them, it's not right" 

You can bet I responded to each and every one. I think it goes to show just how necessary something like NIAW is, because there are so many people out there who just don't understand what infertility is, what it means, how it affects people. The second quote up there, she seems to think that "infertility" is the same as "being infertile". As usual, adoption was rolled out as the solution for every infertile. The majority of the comments droned on about "overpopulation" etc without a thought as to the point of my original post - that those suffering through infertility would be hurt by it.  In one of my replies, I tried to explain that these kind of statements could be really hurtful to someone going through infertility, and that because there is a certain "stigma" attached to it, the hurter might not even know....so basically that it pays to bite your tongue about certain issues unless you know who you are talking to properly.

But by far the worst comment is one I haven't posted above in which the commenter stated that they were "surprised that an intelligent person" like me would hold such opinions. As if I'm somehow ruled only by my base instincts if I am in anyway pro-reproduction. That if I had a brain I would surely see that being staunchly anti-babies, anti-breeding, anti-hope is the only way to go. It was an awakening as to exactly the kind of people I know. Needless to say, they won't be getting a wedding invite...

 

In the News: PETA (Pathetic, Egotistic, Tactless Arseholes?)

Cycle number: 10

Cycle day: 19

Meds: Met + DIM, D3, chromium, B complex, folic acid O_O

Outlook: Grrrrrr

Nothing new to report on the ttc front. Haven't been temping but know I haven't (yet?) ovulated. Luckily I have been very busy the last couple of weeks with wedding planning and honeymoon booking which has been a great distraction as this cycle ticks past.

However, I was alerted to a campaign which instantly invoked rage via a friend's post on Facebook. PETA (USA branch), known for their well-measured, appropriate campaigning - ha - are offering a supporter the chance to "win" a vasectomy if they have also had their cat/dog sterilised. This in itself doesn't bother me - though I do consider it rather bad taste and simply a shock-tactic to gain more notoriety no change there then - but what really does is the fact that they are attempting to tie the promotion in with National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW). 

I am loathe to get too irate about this because I am sure that's just what PETA want - more publicity - but at best it is inappropriate, offensive and ignorant. Whether they really have misunderstood what NIAW is about is up for debate, but if that's the case then they really need to get some better publicity staff. NIAW is about raising awareness of infertility - with all its many and varied causes - and the very real impact not being able to conceive has on people's lives. Suggesting that removing someone else's ability to reproduce somehow honours this cause is deeply worrying.

They harp on about human life "crowding out animal life on the planet" and how "with a global population of almost 7 billion humans, more of our species could use a (voluntary) snip too". I will reduce my response to bullets otherwise I may be here all day:

• without humans, there would be no dogs or cats or any other pets. They exist because we choose to have them - and in many cases, bred them for this purpose - and in a human-less world, they would almost certainly be extinguished by larger predators. This goes for chickens, sheep, cows etc too. They only exist because we do. And without people, there is no one to look after the animals that PETA seeks to protect
• someone who is willing to volunteer for a vasectomy is likely to be someone who was not intending to reproduce in the future anyway. If PETA is really concerned about over-population of the planet, it would be more appropriate and effective for them to focus their efforts on providing contraception in developing countries, rethinking sex education for young people or seeking to simplify the adoption process.
• people who are infertile, the ones who will get something out of NIAW, are not the ones "overcrowding the planet" - associating a campaign about such an issue with infertility is not only hurtful to those going through it, but also completely pointless. Tie it in with a "stop reproducing" campaign (if you MUST), but leave infertility out of it

As a side note, I have never, and will never understand people who go on about the planet being over-populated, and how humans are a scourge on the earth etc etc ad nauseum - if that's the case then stop moaning and cease to exist right now and take all your loved ones with you! No? I didn't think so. It's hypocritical in the extreme to be complaining about the problem whilst being part of it.


This hijacking of a supportive campaign is something PETA should feel ashamed of. I have always been pro-animal rights but there is no way I will be supporting anything PETA does from now on. I hope that this merely serves to alienate a huge portion of society rather than generate a lot of media interest as I suspect PETA hopes.


You can show your disgust at the campaign here - please pass it on.

Facebrag

Cycle number: 8

Cycle day: 31

Meds: 1000mg Met.formin

Outlook: grrrrr

"I have carried a human life inside my body I have comforted a baby on my chest I have been puked, peed & pooped on ive woken up to a hungry baby & stayed up all night with a sick baby but I wouldn't have it any other way my body isn't magazine perfect but when I look in the mirror I see.........a mummy and there is no greater honor or blessing!!! make this your status if you are a proud mummy cuz i am!!!"

"Does she work.... Yes she does!!!... 24 hours a day. why? Coz shes a MUM... a cook, a cleaner, a parent, a teacher, a referee, a nanny, a nurse, a handyman, a maid, a photographer, a councilor, a chauffer and a comforter... she don't get holidays, sick pay or any days off.. she works through the DAY and NIGHT.... litrally on call 24 hours!!!"

Just a couple of the delightful chain-status updates I have seen on Facebook in recent months. I can't help but wonder what is the point of them other than to brag about the fact you've had children? It's as if the assumption is that motherhood is looked down upon, that mothers are being vilified in some way in society, and by putting this as your status you are somehow defying that and standing up for yourself and mothers in general. 

 Except I really don't think that's the case. Of course you get the odd newspaper article about working mothers vs stay-at-home mothers and that kind of thing, but I really don't feel at all that there is any stigma attached to being a mother. Feigning defensiveness just seems like a good excuse to paste your smugness across the interwebs.

 Luckily neither of these were posted by my actual FB "friends", otherwise I would've had to make some kind of comment (and possibly a deletion!). Of course there is no harm in being a "proud mummy" - and I'm sure I will be filled with pride if I ever get to be one - but this kind of bragging is also pretty hurtful to people who may be dealing with infertility, miscarriage or any other problem conceiving (and some of this posters friends are).

 It's true, there is "no greater honour or blessing" than being able to bring a life into the world, no one would deny that. And being that it is such a great, personal, deeply poignant moment in life, why would anyone choose to celebrate that by reposting a generic, badly thought out, poorly written blurb?

 I'm not saying everyone should tread on eggshells 24/7 in case an infertile is lurking somewhere, listening in and taking offense.  Of course not. I would feel as bad about that as I do about these statuses. I just think that expressing your joy in your family and children can be done in other, much more genuine ways than this which won't come across as rubbing other peoples' noses in the fact. Ways that come from the heart rather than from the keyboard of someone somewhere reveling in smug superiority.