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Tuesday, 21 June 2011

Deep Inside

How much pregnant: 7 weeks
Meds: Met + Folic acid
Outlook: Thrilled!

So it has been a rough week and a bit waiting for this viability ultrasound, but today we finally got to see what has been going on inside:

This is the beanie as of this morning. We got to see it's tiny heart pumping away at a very solid 140bpm <3 It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen, I started to cry but quickly composed myself as the u/s tech was very matter of fact and I don't think he would've appreciated such an outpouring of emotion. The beanie is measuring right on track at 7 weeks, 7.8mm crown to rump. Bubble was right there throughout, he's also amazed and relieved that everything is ok.

The unexpected news was that there IS a second pregnancy in there. Unfortunately, the gestational sac was measuring only 5 weeks, and all you could see inside it was a yolk sac, so it looks as though that one has not, and will not, develop. I feel sad about that, but I also feel amazingly lucky and happy to have the one that is doing well. I'm guessing that the small one was made out of an egg that was either too mature or too immature, and it would never have had a chance.

The u/s tech was sweet enough to print out 2 pics for us, the above, plus one showing both sacs (just so we can prove it was in fact twins, I imagine), even though we weren't supposed to get any at this stage. He said that chances are, the second non-viable pregnancy will simply reabsorb into the uterus, but if I have any serious pain or bleeding I am to go back. After the u/s I had to go across to the fertility clinic to report his findings, and the nurse was so sweet and happy for us, it almost brought another tear to my eye =) When we said goodbye she squeezed my arm and wished us good luck, and it occurred to me that that's it - I won't be seeing them again now, they have achieved what they set out to do. I'm off to my GP this afternoon to report the pregnancy and get him to refer me back to the hospital for standard pre-natal care, and everything will carry on like any other normal pregnancy now, with the 12 week scan in 4-5 weeks.

I honestly cannot believe all that has happened. To see that I have a tiny life growing inside me was the most incredible, mind blowing thing. I never, ever thought it would happen to me. I feel honoured and so grateful for this chance. Because my symptoms have been (thankfully, I suppose) fairly mild so far, I don't even feel like anything is different, so to see that my (up til now, unreliable!) body is doing it's thing without any input from anyone is a huge adjustment in terms of how I view myself.

On Sunday we are telling our mothers. We have arranged a lunch with them both in Covent Garden, under the pretense of talking about final wedding arrangements and will be surprising them with the ultrasound pictures. I really never thought I would see the day...

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