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Thursday, 24 February 2011

One down..

Cycle number: 9
Cycle day: 11
Meds: Met
Outlook: Strangely calm

So I am Clo.mid-resistant. I found out yesterday when I went in for my first monitoring scan. I was upped to 100mg this cycle, CD 3-7, and I felt hopeful that I would have some kind of response, but apparently my follicles just aren't bothered. I was worried this would happen when I didn't ovulate last month, but I had read of people who didn't respond straight away but did later on a higher dose. If it was my choice I would probably try one more cycle with 150mg just to be sure that I just don't need a much higher dose than most people, but I have been told it's the end of the line for me and Clo.mid.

The good news is I will be moving on to Meno.pur, which contains human gonadotrophin extracted from the urine of postmenopausal women. No that wasn't a typing error. It's an injectable made up of follicular stimulating hormone and lutenizing hormone, which hopefully assists the eggs on their route to maturity. I don't know all the details yet but I do know I will be injecting myself in the abdomen with this tasty concoction, a scary thought in itself. I may even be able to start in a couple of weeks if my lining remains thin, rather than have to wait for my period or take Pro.vera again, which is also good news.

But in general it does seem like pretty bad news. I had always heard that Clo.mid was pretty much a wonder drug, people getting pregnant on their first cycle, people taking it for a couple of cycles and then stopping only to get their BFP, and when I was getting ready for my first Clo.mid cycle I really thought "At last I have a shot" - to at least ovulate if not get knocked up. And Clo.mid always seemed like the most obvious answer, like anything else was a last resort and it would be time to panic. I always assumed I would have the full 6 cycles (the maximum allowed) and only then if it still hadn't worked I would move on to something new. 

I'm left with mixed feelings - on the one hand, it would've been frustrating to sit through cycle after unsuccessful cycle with no ovulation and therefore no chance of pregnancy. But on the other I've now ticked off one of the most potent treatments from my list of options, a list that will only get smaller as time goes on.

I've tried to make myself feel better by telling myself it's clearly a sign that my body is too intelligent - Clo.mid works by fooling your brain into thinking that there is no estrogen in your system, so that your brain produces more and this should (in theory) be the kick start the follicles need to get ready for ovulation. But my brain isn't having any of it. I should've known better than to try self deception.

The Meno.pur, however, simply supplements the hormones you already have; it's a much more straight-down-the-line drug, no trickery. And reassuringly my consultant said that just because I haven't responded to Clo.mid, it doesn't mean I am less likely to respond to anything else. I go back for a scan next week but I'm confident there will be no change, and then I will just have to wait about 10 more days before starting the new treatment (they like to leave at least 4 weeks between treatments).

The Clo.mid did wreak havoc with my emotions though. On my second day of it, I was almost in tears for much of the day (stress at work) and then I broke down in the evening (for reasons I will expand on in a separate post). Let's hope the next one's not so bad...

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