Persistence

Cycle number: 10

Cycle day: 4

Meds: Met

Outlook: =/

So I didn't get pregnant. Not even a hint of a line on the few tests I used over the weekend. AF has been light and mercifully pain-free - presumably another Clo.mid side-effect (or due to the copious amounts of rosehip tea I have been drinking recently). I went for a base-line scan today and most frustratingly the Death Star is still lurking! I learned it was a whopping 6cm x 4.7cm at its largest.....scary big. Today it had shrunk down but at 3.5cm x 2.4cm it's still too large a presence for another medicated cycle just yet.

The Doc (a new one I hadn't seen before) gave me two options - either leave it and hope that it shrinks to nothing over the course of this cycle, or take progesterone to force it to shrink. I opted for the former: I really don't want to be messing with my hormones any more than absolutely necessary and she said that around 90% of cysts disappear after the second period. If it's still there by the end of this cycle I'll do whatever it takes to get rid of it. I may even look into doing a caster oil wrap during this cycle to help it on its way.

And I am relieved that the wait for the next cycle isn't that long. I'm already on CD4 and can go in on CD28 for another scan if I haven't detected ovulation or got my period and they will give me Provera again. A frustrating wait doing nothing but only 3 weeks to go. I still intend to temp and do some ovulation tests (though I have no idea when or even if I will ovulate) so I guess there is still a small chance for this cycle.

I also started taking some additional supplements on CD1 of this cycle: 

- Chromium - I read that a lot of women with PCOS are deficient in this mineral so I am taking 200µg each day

- Vitamin B Complex - PCOSers can be deficient in certain B vitamins and I also read that Metformin depletes one of them (aren't I a font of knowledge....) so I am taking Vitamin B1 20mg, Vitamin B2 20mg, Vitamin B3 30mg, Vitamin B5 10mg, Vitamin B6 20mg and Vitamin B12 50mcg each day

- D-I-M - This is a naturally occurring substance found in veggies like broccoli and cauliflower which helps to metabolize estrogen. Thought it couldn't hurt as PCOS is an estrogen-dominance issue. I am taking 100mg daily.

I also bought fish oil and a calcium/magnesium/vit D/iron tablet but I haven't got into the routine of taking them yet. Additionally yes my poor purse is feeling rather empty right now I got a natural progesterone cream to try if/when I ovulate...I've read that these creams don't really give you enough to make a difference but I'm happy to give it a go, especially when it is lavendar scented! Finally, I bought a pack of red raspberry leaf tablets - originally because I thought I would be carrying on with Clo.mid and read that taking this from CD1>ov can help to thicken the uterine lining (which Clo.mid wreaks havoc on). However, after talking to the Doc today, I learned that I don't have to take Clo.mid again if I don't want to and my next active cycle will probably be using injects. Still, a bit of extra help to achieve a nice thick lining won't hurt.

So back to waiting, again, and hoping that the Death Star has burned out in three weeks time...

Finally a TWW

Cycle number: 9

Cycle day: 31 - 11dpo

Meds: Met

Outlook: Hopeful

The Death Star was still there at 3 days past trigger, so was officially considered a cyst at around 4cm diameter. I can assure you I didn't need the ultrasound to prove it was there, the sucker was VERY uncomfortable until Monday really, but has definitely shrunk in the last few days. No more running to the toilet every 10 minutes because of the pressure on my bladder - bonus!

I went for a blood test on Monday morning to find out if I ovulated. I got the result today and OMG yes, I did! My progesterone level was 34.5 at 9 dpo which is pretty good all things considered. So I assume either the follicle on the right matured quickly and then released an egg, or the Death Star was so huge it was blocking another mature follicle on the left.

So I am approaching the end of the two week wait. Annoyingly, I still can't crack out the pregnancy tests because I had the trigger shot at 2 dpo and it will likely still show up in my system. However, I have Friday off work, and by that point will be 13 dpo/11dpt, so I'm going to allow myself a little test then.

Of course I've been scrutinising my symptoms to within an inch of their lives. My boobs are definitely pretty tender and nipples ouchily sensitive. I've had some minor cramping in the uterus area, and some stretchy feelings, but I've had all that before in previous ovulatory cycles so I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much. I have been crazily tired, but that could just be the chronic fatigue. And I've had a monster appetite the last few days.

I can't believe what a roller-coaster this cycle has been - going from no hope at all to actually quite a bit of hope multiple times over and over. I'm hoping I don't have to go another round with Clo.mid, it doesn't seem to be particularly compatible with me. It would just be amazing if it worked this time.

The Death Star

Cycle number: 9

Cycle day: 24

Meds: Met

Outlook: Frustrated

It's been a bit of a nightmare the last few days. I went for my CD19 scan and the left follicle had grown to 27mm. They also found a 12mm one on the right. I was even more thrilled than before. The doc decided not to give me my trigger shot as my lining was still a little thin (6.5mm I think) but she said with a follicle that size I would most likely ovulate on my own over the weekend.

I was really hopeful and happy, but as the day wore on, doubt started to creep in. I read that a follicle over 25mm probably didn't contain a viable egg, and I wished I had requested the trigger at the appointment so that it ruptured as soon as possible. I was using the ClearBlue digital ovulation tests, as recommended by the clinic. They told me to use one a day, first thing in the morning and they were all negative. However, for my own purposes I used a strip test on Saturday night (CD20) and I thought it looked positive....

Sunday (CD21) and I started to feel very uncomfortable in my abdomen on the left. I was also having to go to the toilet a lot more frequently than usual. My CB test was negative again, and so I assumed the strip test the night before had been a fluke.

Monday (CD22) I rang the clinic and told them I could still feel the follicle, was in quite a bit of discomfort and that all my CB ovulation tests had been negative. I went in for another scan and the left follicle was a gargantuan 35mm! I was not happy, and again asked the doc if this meant there was no viable egg inside, but he insisted that because the follicle had only grown within the cycle, there was no reason to assume it didn't have an egg. It was quite disturbing to see this massive black mass on the ultrasound, like a lost alien spaceship. Helpfully though, my lining had increased to 8.5mm - ideal for implantation.

He didn't spend long looking at the right ovary - I guess because all the attention was on the giant lefthand one - but he said he couldn't see anything significant in there, and that the follicle had most likely shrunk back. He then said they would (finally) give me the trigger shot, which was fine, and that I would ovulate within 24-36 hours.

I went home happy again but (again) the doubt started to creep in. I wondered if in fact the cheap strip test from CD20 was accurate and if the right hand follicle had reached maturity and ruptured secretly. Then I was worried that the trigger shot would cause harm if I had already ovulated. And I was in so much discomfort I began to wonder if even the shot would be able to rupture the Death Star.

Tuesday (CD23) I was in considerable discomfort just walking around. We tried to do "homework" as the fertility nurse calls it, and it sent shooting pains up the left side of my abdomen. I was bloated and had serious trapped gas. I did, however, start to get sensitive nipples - usually a sure sign that I have ovulated - but I wondered if it was just from the shot. But then, I put my temperature into my chart, and the chart automatically put me at ovulating on Saturday (based on my temps) - if you take into account the possibly positive OPK on the same day it looks fairly promising.

So here I am on CD24, almost 48 hours post trigger and I can still feel the Death Star. I'm now convinced it is a cyst and I'm not happy. I am going in for another scan tomorrow and I hope they will be able to give me some answers. Specifically:

• Is it a cyst formed from a ruptured or unruptured follicle?
• Is there any chance I already ovulated from the other ovary?
• If it is a cyst, and I did ovulate, could it impede a pregnancy this cycle?
• If it is a cyst, when and how can we make it go away?

I feel pretty gutted. I knew it was too good to be true when a follicle appeared out of nowhere. I've been reading up online (I know, it's not good) and apparently it can take 1-3 MONTHS for a cyst to shrink! And obviously it's not possible to start another round of fertility drugs until it's gone. I've also read of people who had to take BCP for a month to help shrink it! I really hope it doesn't come to that, it took me a year to get back any semblance of a cycle after I stopped BCP the last time, it will really feel like a step backwards.

Thankfully, we got in a lot of "homework" this cycle - if I did ovulate on CD20 we have all our bases covered. We were also using Pre-seed.


Yet again I am struck by how unlikely pregnancy is.....I just don't understand how it can happen so easily for some. I also can't believe how much stress and detailed observation is required for just this part of the process! If I ever do get pregnant I will truly see it as a miracle.

Ms. Egg

Cycle number: 9

Cycle day: 16

Meds: Met

Outlook: Shocked!

So there I was, just about getting my head around the fact that I was Clo.mid-resistant and dealing with the prospect of moving on to injectables and I was ready. I went to the hospital this lunch time for a scan to follow up last weeks - and from what the Dr said last week (that there was no response, that it wasn't working, that things weren't going to be as easy (ha!) as we thought) I was expecting no progress, no hope.

Imagine my surprise when this week's Dr said "You have one large follicle on the left"! A late response, but a response all the same. The follicle is currently 15mm so it needs to do a little bit more growing before it will be viable, and my lining is still on the thin side, but I cannot put into words how thrilled I am! 

An actual egg getting ready....it's so exciting. I have to start doing ovulation tests from tomorrow, then I go back for another scan on Friday which will be CD19 to see how it is doing. Of course we have to get busy in the meantime just in case, and I think I'm going to temp for the next few days so that I have another angle to confirm ovulation (assuming it occurs). Usually I don't temp because the anticipation makes me wake up earlier than usual just to do it, thus throwing my temps off and negating the whole process.


And the other good news we got today was that Bubble's repeat semen analysis came back good. His total numbers were at the lower end of the normal range but nothing to worry about, and everything else was excellent. One less thing to worry about.